Words of a Watchman

Wan Fung Pu, Seoulsa News Agency (서설사 언론사)

June 11, 2024

North Korea faces significant challenges with its sewage and wastewater systems, which have severe implications for public health, environmental sustainability, and overall quality of life. The country faces significant deficiencies in this regard, including aging infrastructure, lack of resources, and a demoralized work force.

General Wang Soo Dung, chairman of the DPRK Infrastructure Agency (인프라 뒤관), said: “Attempts to improve our sewage and wastewater treatment systems would require substantial investment, access to modern technology, and international cooperation. However, the geopolitical situation and internal policy priorities continue to pose significant obstacles to addressing these critical public health and environmental issues. So, we must seek alternatives.”

In an effort to address this problem, President Kim Jong-Un has tasked some of his brightest engineers to come up with innovative solutions.

The Ttong-2 missile is a system designed specifically to transport and deliver human fecal waste into space. This unique rocket, with its sleek and sturdy design, stands about 20 meters tall and has a cylindrical body painted in earthy tones of brown and green. The nose fairing is shaped like a stylized, cartoonish poop emoji, the spiral shape of which helps to spin-stabilize the vehicle in flight.

The rocket is propelled by a powerful liquid-fuel engine with a gas boost stage, capable of generating enough thrust to break out far from Earth’s gravity field. Its payload chamber is specially reinforced and sealed to ensure that the feces remain contained during the journey and do not pose any environmental hazards.

Ttong-2 is equipped with state-of-the-art navigation and guidance systems, allowing it to precisely reach its designated trajectory into deep space. Pyongyang Mission Control is equipped with advanced tracking and communication technology, ensuring continuous monitoring and control throughout the launch.

Upon reaching space, the payload compartment is designed to safely expurge its contents, dispersing the feces in a controlled manner.

In an interview with official DPRK state television, General Dung stated: “This project will solve our sewage solutions for the long term. It will also support our government’s agenda to keep all of our citizens employed doing shit.”

In 2011, the experimental first-generation Ttong-1 missile experienced a catastrophic “unplanned disassembly event” shortly after launch. It encountered a momentary blockage in its gas propulsion system, which led to an explosion at a low altitude, that resulted in a widespread dispersion of its payload over a wide area.

That incident occurred during the initial phase of the Ttong-1 launch sequence, just moments after ignition. Eyewitnesses reported hearing an explosion, a loud crepitant sound, and a subsequent shower of brown debris, causing an unexpected and unpleasant fallout. The area affected included nearby soybean fields, sources of drinking water, and parts of a small town, necessitating a substantial cleanup operation.

The Ttong-1 malfunction highlighted the risks and unpredictability inherent in experimental space waste-disposal missions. The incident also prompted a thorough investigation into the rocket’s design and operational protocols, leading to significant improvements in safety measures for future launches.